one big thing that is different from the catholic faith vs the other denominations. we believe that the eucharist (the wafer we eat at each mass) IS the body and blood of Christ, but the other denominations believe it REPRESENTS the body and blood of Christ (that's what i gather from what i hear, correct me if i'm wrong.) i find it quite impossible to explain this. i guess it's one of the miracles which cannot be explained by science.
It's something Mystical
withers away @ 12:45 pm
backlogs backlogs backlogs! (how, i only got time for this when i have no work to do and on mc. LOL.)
abt the annual cny trip back to msia...
22012012 1416
once again, the sun shines into the car through the back windscreen, and i'm sweating my ass off in an air con car.
2005
你可能可以在冲凉的时候闻到饭香，但你可曾在冲凉时不必透过玻璃窗就看得到烟火？
2008
看着阿公阿嫲发自内心的快乐，我总是有种很怕失去的感觉。他们都老了，我想，看得到一次就算是赚到一次了吧。
2125
current count: 6 cars. not everyone's home yet. we're probably expecting another.. 6 or so? we have a front porch that's big enough for abt 6 cars and that's all. don't ask how we survive every year lol.
2154
吃了好吃的晚饭（算是团圆饭吗？分开来吃的说），坐在房里改作业（不是我工作狂，而是真的没时间），抬头瞥见客厅的一排遗照。看到了表弟的照片，还是会心酸。
23012012 0053
firecrackers and fireworks going off everywhere near midnight. and biao di's grp of friends just drove over. yah at 1am.
0054
mum just showed me a toad that jumped its way into the kitchen. i was just commenting on how cute it was when er jiu came over and kicked it out. literally. my last sight of it was seeing it fly through the air. lol.
1058
ji chang jie in the day is... all closed.
1149
chendol with gula melaka rocks here. nv ever have this taste back in sg. never.
2137
i think there's just one reason why i really love it back here. family. the sibling bonds i witness every year make me v thankful for the zoo. cos they're the nearest to sisters that i have.
24012012 1212
大舅：S$8
二舅：RM$20
小舅：RM$4
我可能没有资格说些什么，我也不是缺钱市侩。我在新年会给某些人钱是有原因的。他们老了，没有工作，又或是长年每天照顾家中两老。
我知道大舅是在念旧情。以前我还小的时候，他在这里工作，常到家做客吃饭。他从来没有大富大贵过，还时不时缺钱借钱，但是他是个很愿意努力赚钱的人。无论工作再辛苦、再长时间，他都不会埋怨。
二舅前年底才失去儿子，当时我听到消息的情景还历历在目。他一共有七个孩子，从事殡葬业，是唯一一个和两老住、守着老家的孩子。维持生计不易，但他也同样任劳任怨。
小舅常被骂，因为他只懂得要钱。赚不到钱的时候要钱，赚到的时候也要，而且从来不还。他又何尝想过，当他借大耳窿的时候，他带着老婆孩子跑路，人家找上门来，如果不是他的姐姐们，他可能脱身吗？过了那么多年，死性不改，仍然只会口花花，发酒疯时回家打人，能怪姐姐们对他泄气吗？
1244
姐姐我不是勤劳才在新年还改作业，而是真的没有时间啦。还有，虽然这里很吵，但是我的心可以很平静。
1742
otw back to sg and reality. i'm hardly out of the city and i miss everyone already.
2031
heavy traffic's slowing us down. i'm hungry. and i'm not looking forward to the work i need to complete before tomorrow.
2203
we just err, ate dinner. didn't realize it was this late till i looked at my watch. last i checked it was only 8+. lol.
2210
stuck in the jam even before we hit msian customs.
abt hokkaido...
07122011 0649 jpn time
at tokyo waiting for our domestic flight to hokkaido. can't wait. just now was the funniest encounter ever. the air stewardess mistook me for a japanese. she said it's cos of my pronunciation of "tomato juice". i think cos i simply pronounced it as to-mah-to rather than to-may-to? lol.
0731
just experienced the 10 deg weather while taking the shuttle bus to the domestic terminal. waiting for the flight to sapporo. sure wastes a lot of time getting a transfer.
1120
finally here for lunch. damn hungry. we're by the sea. waiting to eat steamboat.
1231
done with lunch, with too much salmon. couldn't finish it. when we're out, realised it's snowing! snow + seagulls + sea. bloody cold, but damn cool!
1720
walking around the supermarket trying all kinds of food.
2305
at the hotel in sapporo now. not that the tempura dinner wasn't good, just wanted to try the instant noodles here, so got one after walking ard the vincinity just now. oh, and some interesting experience just now on the street. was stopped by a guy at the red light district. glad i dun uds what he said. anyway, it's good, having a great hotel room, good bed, good noodles, good hokkaido milk, and some music fesival on tv now. saw SMAP (they were the finale group, and kimura on guitar!), fu shan ya zhi, dbsk etc.
well, smth unfortunate happened to the family that we came along with, the father of the father of the family passed away last night. so they need to fly back early tml morning. not as easy as it seems. they need to take a cab to take the train, to the airport, get on a domestic flight to tokyo before they can make it back to sg. what's more we only reached hokkaido today! diaoz.. can tell that the boys are v disappointed. but the mother-in-law is going to continue the rest of the tour with us. dunno how that's going to work out. hope evthg will be fine.
08122011 0832
tour guide's a mainland chinese who has parents from surabaya, went to HK for a period of time before coming to japan for studies. married a japanese wife, therefore a japanese now.
1429
best part of the meal could be the corn. the corn here is so sweet and juicy!
1811
bought tons of crap from daiso here. it's even cheaper than sg cos it's 100 yen here, meaning it's abt $1.70.
1851
just ordered the most basic miso ramen at ramen street. 700 yen. ebi or hotate ramen cost 1300 yen ok.
2028
watching some soccer match on tv now (their japan toyota cup) while waiting for my turn to bathe. just witnessed a v skilfuly scored goal. then another one taiko shot. but it's proving to be quite an interesting match to watch. against auckland.
anyway, had ramen for dinner and is v full now, so not going to go out for a walk anymore. no cup noodles tonight too.
tml we're heading towards the more rural areas alr. so, bye to the city and hi to onsen!
09122011 0924
snow everywhere! so much light is reflecting off the snow i need to squint when i look out the window.
1059
just reached furano. snow snow snow!
1137
just went out in abt -5 to 10 deg eating lavender ice cream without gloves. only abt 5 to 10 min and my fingers are cold till they're numb and painful i almost feel like they're falling off.
1433
just had lunch buffet. till now i'm quite amazed at how much japanese vocab i still remember.
2113
just had a pretty good dinner with crab, sashimi, tempura, dessert and stuff. going to the onsen soon.
2239
back from onsen and feel v comfy now. slping on tatami tonight. watching a kor drama dubbed in jp. using whatever limited vocab i can still rmbr (and my listening sux), plus the good acting, i can more or less make out the r/s between the characters.
10122011 0805
whenever i see my tour group mate of teenage age, i can only be reminded of my kids. terrible.
0832
it's been snowing everyday since we came. now we're in the more mountaineous areas, the snowing is getting more frequent and heavy. now i can see the barren trees swaying v hard with the strong winds coupled with snow. think it's going to be a really cold day today.
1320
just watched a show on drift ice, omni theatre style.
1402
the youths just had a snowball fight with the tour gruide. tour guide's damn good at making and throwing snowballs. oh so fun. even looking at them playing is so fun. hopefully there'll be a chance to go somewhere with snow with friends. we'll definitely have loads of fun.
1403
watched drift ice ships in tv shows for a couple of times. pity it's the wrong season now so no ship.
2105
just watched a v nice and cute variety show on tv including puppies and a monkey. v touching part abt the monkey, whereby the monkey followed the celebrity everywhere he went. when the monkey needed to be returned, both parties were so sad and cried... but it ended so abruptly argh.
11122011 2221
last night in a hotel alr.. flying back tml. actually dun really feel like going back srsly. going back means checking my work email and starting to do all the work that i havent started. damn. nvm gotta do it no matter what huh.
12122011 0941
i can look at the view of lake akan forever and not get tired of it.
1640
waiting for the domestic flight back to tokyo. totally falling asleep alread. and we've got 3 or 4h at tokyo naheda airport to wait before departure to sg. omg.
2042
just had extremely salty yaki soba at haneda airport cos i'm just too hungry already. omg there's still so long before 11 comes!
It's something Mystical
Sunday, April 29, 2012
withers away @ 8:56 pm
把它一个一个的删除，好像把自己的回忆一幕一幕删除一样。
但是，是时候了。
慢慢的、慢慢的、慢慢的……
It's something Mystical
Friday, April 13, 2012
withers away @ 10:10 pm
I was having this disillusionment about the purpose of my work, but I got that cleared. Shortly after, I was cleared of another, shall we say, lousy habit and mindset of how this work should be done.
I was nearly bedridden for the past week due to stomach flu. It was my first time (and hopefully the last) and not me nor my mum was prepared for what was to come. I only knew I was very off and it was different from what I had before. I had to drive myself to the doctor on Good Friday nonetheless and drive home later.
Then for the week ahead, 90% of the time saw me laying down either on the bed or on the sofa. The rest of the time was when I was sprawled in close contact with the toilet bowl. I was completely helpless and lifeless. Without any strength, I couldn't keep my body upright. Besides sleeping or going toilet, the only other thing I could possibly do was probably to check whatsapp messages and drift off. Eating and drinking was a pain.
So many times, if I had enough strength to stay awake, I just lay down in bed and stare at the window. I literally dreamed of the food that I'd love to eat and I literally taste it in my imagination. Even simple food like fruits, the way I imagine the juice gushing in my mouth, was way too much.
Then I think about, what I'm doing with my work. It is not enough for me to have a fever + sore throat + cough + flu to stop me from working. I don't stop. So I realized, this is the time when I am really, truly, forced to stop. Simply because I have no other strength I can use besides to keep alive. When I looked back, I noticed how much I was abusing my body. The late afternoons in the office turned to evenings and into late evenings. The term "burning the midnight oil" should be changed to "burning the 3am oil". I worked my ass off, producing work which could barely pass my own QC (but at least it could), strung so tightly on the line with all the deadlines looming. I deprive myself of food and drink, and sometimes the washroom. I was giving myself 3 hours of sleep each night, and I was actually naively thinking I could get away with it? I never caught up with my sleep, and I never thought I could, until this whole bout of illness came upon me (which was when I slept gloriously like I never slept before).
So it dawned on me, that I am not a machine. Or maybe I am, but a machine breaks down too. (Just like that damned overworked photocopier in the office.) And this machine needs to realize which are the things it can push aside and leave till tomorrow. It needs to realize what truly needs to be done, and what should be done, and what might be done. It needs to realize the difference in the kind of work it is doing. It needs to realize it needs rest.
So many people came along to tell me that. But obviously I didn't exactly heed advice. So I guess I didn't really leave God any other way out.
These two days, I was back at work. The machine needs to be oiled all over again. But I think I managed to accomplish certain things. Due to the stomach flu, I'm still weak and all, with not much stomach space to store food. My movements are about 10 times slower than before, so I notice how fast people in the office zoom from Point A to Point B to get things done. I remember nearly banging into people so many times, and now that I have a preggie in my vicinity, it gets really scary.
And due to slow movements, I need to REALLY prioritize what to do. Because I don't have time to do everything anymore. Plus my memory is coming back really slowly, I need to remember which task is at the very top of my to-do list, because that is essentially all I can remember. After I complete that, will I have the memory to think of the next task on that list. This actually simplifies matters a lot. I throw SO much stuff out of my mind now, because I know they are just junk. Okay, I mean, low on my priority list.
I had little time in the office, but I made use of it pretty well these two days.
And see, I realize how important it is to reflect, which is why I took time to write this little thing. I like myself when I'm thinking. I feel alive. I think I haven't felt this for very long.
It's something Mystical
Monday, April 02, 2012
withers away @ 10:20 pm
It's not quite possible to imagine myself as a kid, the way I see my kids now. It's not quite possible to imagine the me now looking at myself a decade or more ago. I mean, I know I'm the prefect, the goody-two-shoes, the firm convicted believer of black and white. I know I'm the teacher's pet, but who was I, really, in the eyes of the adults around me? How would I, as an adult, look upon the young me?
I never did quite know the impact I had. Which reminds me of the devotion Kelvin did not too long back, when he mentioned that we should never think that any decision we make is not anyone else's business, because you don't know when something you do or say may create a ripple in another's life.
I really didn't think I'd have had a rippling effect - as a kid.
It was only till tonight, that I knew for the first time in my life, that I wasn't only just the teacher's pet.
My FT of the past wanted to talk to me, and the conversation started off normal, with her wanting me to tuition her kid and the reason why. As usual, she is forthcoming and direct about her request and explanations. Then it got on to her putting up a "shameless request" that I would write something for her nominations for the President's Award for Teachers. I told her that I'll definitely do her the favour as long as she needed it. Why, she's one of my favourite teachers to date!
Then I don't know how the conversation went in that direction, but she said that in all these years till now, her children of different batches all know me by name, though they know not my face. I was puzzled by that and asked why. She said that she would always tell the children, "Don't tell me how clever you are. There is this girl who knows what is humility and generosity despite of that."
That, to me, was probably one of the best things I've heard in my life so far. 我何等何能，可以被老师们那么记着，而且一记就是十多年。Then I thought, as I look back on myself, have I changed? I'm certainly no longer that best kid around anymore as I grew up, but did those virtues remain in me, or did I lose them along the way?
Then the next thing she said struck me more and made me tear. "You were an inspiration to me, even though you were still so young then."
Of course, I couldn't tell then. And actually, I still can't tell now, even when I try to look back on the little me.
Then everything became clear, as I step back into my position now. This conversation was so timely, just when I was feeling disillusioned and maybe even disheartened. I know I just needed a breakthrough somewhere, and to clear out my mind.
我顿时茅塞顿开，豁然开朗。谁管它个什么什么的，重要的不是那些有的没的，反正大人的世界总是那么的复杂又搞不懂。如果我能够在这些小鬼身上看到一点纯真，能够为他们做些什么，能够看到他们成长，不就是所有的意义所在吗？其他的一切一切，虽然越堆越多，堆得我都快看不到前方的路了，但是都不重要。无论如何，都得回到最初、最真、最原始、最单纯的理由。我很庆幸一直都会有人事物适时提醒着我，重要的是什么。
我等着，我期待着，我的那个inspiration的出现。:)